Final Post!! Sunday 4/20: Poem Revisions

The two poems I have decided to revise are: “A Girlfriend Explains Why She Said Yes” and “A Love Poem for Van Cortlandt Park”.  I decided to chose these two because they are the ones I am most interested in, yet at the same time, am having the most difficult with.  As soon as we were given the assignment of making a love poem to a not so lovey place, I thought of Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx, NY and as soon as we discussed “because prompt” poems I thought of all the people whoever questioned me dating outside of my race.  These poems were less of an assignment and more of a getaway for me, which is why I have decided to stick with them and elaborate on them. 

I took the advice of chapter 10 in writing my love poem, in that I started with writing the last sentence first.  After finding one that I really liked, I decided to back it up by starting from the beginning.  This process helped me find what I wanted people to get out of the poem right away. 

I plan on adding more personal imagery to both of them, since they more personalized experiences than anything else.  I also want to bring in things that make them stand out; things that other people wouldn’t think of putting in unless they knew exactly what I was thinking.  I want the “because” poem to stand out as a love poem strictly for me and my boyfriend, not for all relationships.  This is why I plan to add personal images, personal expeiences into it. 

I’m having trouble in the format department.  Mainly, because it seems as if it should be so easy to format, and then when it comes down to it, I’m very lost.  It’s difficult when I know how I want it to flow, but others read it differently.  I am still trying to figure out where I should pause, add enjambment, place some punctuation and so on. 

I’m also going to elaborate on the good parts (anything that my peers enjoyed) or anything that sticks out to me and erase the rest.  I don’t want people to get bored when reading my poetry, I don’t want them to get too much information either.  I want it to be quick, to the point, yet still informative.  I think that reading chapter 10 helped a lot in directing me where I need to be. 

Because… (Revised)

Because when he asked I didn’t know what to say

Because I was so unbelievably shocked that I stood with my mouth open and he took it as a yes.

Because when I am with him, I am like a queen, sitting on a golden throne.  

Because I was 14, and according to my parents too young to make decisions

And because I was too oblivious to care what others thought.

 

Because love is all about taking chances and I’m a curious girl who

Believes in coloring outside of the lines every once in a while.

Because the smell of his Este Lauder cologne makes me feel at ease and

His gentle hugs give me the sense of safety, security.

 

Because know one else understands the message behind “greenish brown female sheep”

Because no one else knows the secrets I hold and the dreams I have yet to accomplish.

Because I’m attracted to the mix of his bad boy style and well-mannered ways and because he’s

comfortable enough around my family to call my parents by their first name

Instead of by Mr. and Mrs.

Because I can picture him in my future standing beside me;

Because I can see the two of us in our old age reminiscing about our teenage years,

Re-telling our story to our grandchildren over and over again.

 

Because with each gentle kiss I am taken away to somewhere I have never gone before,

Somewhere I never want to return from.

Because it’s 2008 and interracial dating shouldn’t be something that makes people’s heads turn.

Because together we are unstoppable.

 

Because I am in love with everything about him; his imperfections and his qualities

From the way he twitches in his sleep

To the way he introduces me to his friends… I love him, simply Because I do.

 

Poems, Poems & More Poems… 4/13

Out of all the poems, I particularly enjoyed reading God Says Yes To Me by Kaylin Haught.  First off, I noticed that the author referred to God as a “she” and I liked that idea!  Secondly, I fealt as if every once in a while, we all need to hear “yes yes yes” to every one of our requests.  It was a nice poem to read, reinforcing the idea that everything will be okay “you can do exactly what you want to do”.  It’s nice to hear this every so often after we deal with so muc pressure in life. 

The Death of Santa Claus caused some questioning for me.  I was wondering if “santa claus” was this little boys father?  I thought at first that it was a funny poem, but then realized at the end that the mother was very upset when getting ready to break the news that Santa Claus was fake or sick.  It could mean that his father was sick and she was going to break the news all at once?  I’m not really sure.  But I was also a little confused as to why the poem ended like it did.  It threw me off and it made me want answers!

A Love Poem for…

This is a love poem for all the stragglers roaming,

smoking, turning tricks, sleeping and living in

the chaos of VaN CoRTLaNdT PaRk. 

The trees stand tall, casting a dark shadow over anyone,

anything that stands in its way.  The branches sway back and forth

in the cool, calm wind of the hot and hazy days of summer.

Children running through the sprinklers, popsicles melting onto

their fingers, the sticky sweetness makes the perfect getaway for a fly. 

The hot and hazy sun is lost

behind the tall skyscrapers that lean every which way. 

At night, a woman’s knockoff purse is

snatched and the sounds of children crying, taxi cabs honking their horns and

sirens comes to life…

another day has ended… tomorrow wont come soon enough.

Ode…

When I first started reading this poem, my mind wasn’t clear.  I was thinking of all the “rules” that a poem should have.  Not that there are many, but I wasn’t thinking that someone could write something about the simplest things and yet make it almost complicated!  I didn’t enjoy it as much as I had others, but I did think it was an interesting difference.  There are a ton of things to write about in life, and I think it teaches us that.  Too many people think that we have to pick a topic on love, or heartache, or stress/hard times.  I’ve learned it doesn’t even have to be something going on in life, it doesn’t have to make sense to other people, it’s like a private diary entry and the only thing that matters is that you can relate to it as the writer and that you are interested. 

Post for Thurs. 4/3

Before reading this book, “The Practice of Creative Writing” I thought I knew a lot; but this book has opened my eyes to new insight and to new ways of not only writing a piece, but also reading one.  Over the past few weeks we have been talking about different words or phrases that may stand out to us in a particular piece.  On page 76 of the text, Heather Sellers describes words as “what creative writers use to make their art forms” (Sellers 76).  I found this very interesting.  Words, if you think about it, is the foundation of our work.  If our words fall flat, so then will our work.  It wouldn’t matter if you were the best writer in the world, with the best thoughts/ideas, unless you expressed them in a powerful way. 

I have also found the QUESTIONS TO ASK sections helpful when reading a particular type of writing, whether it be fiction, poetry or memoirs.  They question just enough to guide the reader, digging a bit deeper than they may have gone if they didn’t ask the questions. 

I have to admit, at first I disliked the idea of work-shopping, but after doing it I realized how significant it really is.  I would type up my piece and be ready to hand it in, thinking that it was the best piece of work out there.  Then, I would read my peers’ work and they would read mine and we all knew we needed help!  After reading it over and over again you read right over the flaws, so it is necessary to have other readers.  My peers also brought things to my attention which I hadn’t thought about previously. 

Linked Poem

Here’s the poem that I have chosen: Click Here To Find Out

Poetry Assignment

Did I miss anything?

 

I feel as if this poem sends a very strong vibe.  It is relating the questions asked by students after missing a class or two, but I feel as if it could relate to so much more, outside of class.  At times individuals do not understand the importance of such things (class, work) and are missing out on lessons that could be learned through those experiences.  I feel as if it’s a stupid question to be asking, because no matter what the situation, if an individual isn’t present, then they missed it all! 

 

The Cord

I think this poem goes far beyond just talking on the phone.  The cord seems to be a metaphor for life, in my opinion.  I enjoyed reading this poem because I felt the relation between the mother and daughter.  The daughter seems to be going through a tough time in life (teenage years) and it seems as if the mother just wants a feeling of security.  As long as she sees that cord, and knows that her daughter is on the other end of it, then she can rest assure that her daughter is fine and talking through her problems rather than commit suicide or go out on the streets and do something wrong.

 

Numbers

This poem def. made me change my outlook on math, even if it was just a little bit.  I liked the way the author made everything a positive, rather than a negative.  For example, she said “Even subtraction is never loss, just addition somewhere else: five sparrows take away two, the two in someone else’s garden now”.  I feel as if this could also be applied to life, things are never lost and regrets are never made, they are just lessons learned. 

 

Lines

The idea and imagery of lines to talk about love, as stated before the start of the poem, is very interesting.  Love, nor life, nor lines are perfect.  I think the author did a great job at summing this up.  I agree with “but a line of thought is rarely straight” because it holds true in all situations.  Things are never as easy as they may think, drawing a straight line, walking a straight line, cutting a straight line is not that easy either.  I liked how the poem ended with X and Y, relating the characteristics of a line to the idea.

 

The Summer I was Sixteen

This poem made me want summer even more than I wanted it before!  It brought back so many memories of me and my girlfriends laying in the sun, which I think the overall goal is of the poem.  I feel as if the author wants to send nice thoughts to her readers, pleasant thoughts of summer time.  In this poem I found a word that I have added to my list, which is sycamore.  I like the way it sounds!  I got a great deal of imagery through this poem, especially when they are laying in the sun oiling themselves up!  I’m a little confused at the end.  Is it trying to get across that the girls are oblivious in this world or is it trying to prove something else?  It’s nice to get lost in the sunshine during the summer, where all your troubles just seem to melt away! J 

Poetry Assignment

Did I miss anything?

I feel as if this poem sends a very strong vibe.  It is relating the questions asked by students after missing a class or two, but I feel as if it could relate to so much more, outside of class.  At times individuals do not understand the importance of such things (class, work) and are missing out on lessons that could be learned through those experiences.  I feel as if it’s a stupid question to be asking, because no matter what the situation, if an individual isn’t present, then they missed it all! 

The Cord

I think this poem goes far beyond just talking on the phone.  The cord seems to be a metaphor for life, in my opinion.  I enjoyed reading this poem because I felt the relation between the mother and daughter.  The daughter seems to be going through a tough time in life (teenage years) and it seems as if the mother just wants a feeling of security.  As long as she sees that cord, and knows that her daughter is on the other end of it, then she can rest assure that her daughter is fine and talking through her problems rather than commit suicide or go out on the streets and do something wrong.

Numbers

This poem def. made me change my outlook on math, even if it was just a little bit.  I liked the way the author made everything a positive, rather than a negative.  For example, she said “Even subtraction is never loss, just addition somewhere else: five sparrows take away two, the two in someone else’s garden now”.  I feel as if this could also be applied to life, things are never lost and regrets are never made, they are just lessons learned. 

Lines

The idea and imagery of lines to talk about love, as stated before the start of the poem, is very interesting.  Love, nor life, nor lines are perfect.  I think the author did a great job at summing this up.  I agree with “but a line of thought is rarely straight” because it holds true in all situations.  Things are never as easy as they may think, drawing a straight line, walking a straight line, cutting a straight line is not that easy either.  I liked how the poem ended with X and Y, relating the characteristics of a line to the idea.

The Summer I was Sixteen

This poem made me want summer even more than I wanted it before!  It brought back so many memories of me and my girlfriends laying in the sun, which I think the overall goal is of the poem.  I feel as if the author wants to send nice thoughts to her readers, pleasant thoughts of summer time.  In this poem I found a word that I have added to my list, which is sycamore.  I like the way it sounds!  I got a great deal of imagery through this poem, especially when they are laying in the sun oiling themselves up!  I’m a little confused at the end.  Is it trying to get across that the girls are oblivious in this world or is it trying to prove something else?  It’s nice to get lost in the sunshine during the summer, where all your troubles just seem to melt away! J 

For My Daughter: I loved this poem, it was the first one I looked at and I wanted to write about it right away.  This poem, although very short, shows the love that a father has towards his daughter, calling her his star as he watched her grow from birth.  He states that he wants her to buy a star in memory of him so that she knows she is not alone, so that he can watch over her from the night sky.  It brought back memories, as my grandfather told me the same when he was sick.  I have since bought a star and have found it in the night’s sky.  It’s a nice reminder that you are never alone

Poetry Assignement

Did I miss anything?

 

I feel as if this poem sends a very strong vibe.  It is relating the questions asked by students after missing a class or two, but I feel as if it could relate to so much more, outside of class.  At times individuals do not understand the importance of such things (class, work) and are missing out on lessons that could be learned through those experiences.  I feel as if it’s a stupid question to be asking, because no matter what the situation, if an individual isn’t present, then they missed it all! 

 

The Cord

I think this poem goes far beyond just talking on the phone.  The cord seems to be a metaphor for life, in my opinion.  I enjoyed reading this poem because I felt the relation between the mother and daughter.  The daughter seems to be going through a tough time in life (teenage years) and it seems as if the mother just wants a feeling of security.  As long as she sees that cord, and knows that her daughter is on the other end of it, then she can rest assure that her daughter is fine and talking through her problems rather than commit suicide or go out on the streets and do something wrong.

 

Numbers

This poem def. made me change my outlook on math, even if it was just a little bit.  I liked the way the author made everything a positive, rather than a negative.  For example, she said “Even subtraction is never loss, just addition somewhere else: five sparrows take away two, the two in someone else’s garden now”.  I feel as if this could also be applied to life, things are never lost and regrets are never made, they are just lessons learned. 

 

Lines

The idea and imagery of lines to talk about love, as stated before the start of the poem, is very interesting.  Love, nor life, nor lines are perfect.  I think the author did a great job at summing this up.  I agree with “but a line of thought is rarely straight” because it holds true in all situations.  Things are never as easy as they may think, drawing a straight line, walking a straight line, cutting a straight line is not that easy either.  I liked how the poem ended with X and Y, relating the characteristics of a line to the idea.

 

The Summer I was Sixteen

This poem made me want summer even more than I wanted it before!  It brought back so many memories of me and my girlfriends laying in the sun, which I think the overall goal is of the poem.  I feel as if the author wants to send nice thoughts to her readers, pleasant thoughts of summer time.  In this poem I found a word that I have added to my list, which is sycamore.  I like the way it sounds!  I got a great deal of imagery through this poem, especially when they are laying in the sun oiling themselves up!  I’m a little confused at the end.  Is it trying to get across that the girls are oblivious in this world or is it trying to prove something else?  It’s nice to get lost in the sunshine during the summer, where all your troubles just seem to melt away! J